Category: satire

A Visual Guide to Identifying Genetically Modified Dogs

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The above is a takeoff of a Facebook page’s “A Visual Guide to Genetically Modified Corn,” found here:IFLS People are often very misled about what “genetically modified” means. Man has been altering life-forms to suit his needs for thousands and thousands of years through the mechanisms of selective breeding, hybrids, and only lately through direct modification of code.Corn is a great example of this. It’s nature-made predecessor looks nothing like it. The ears are tiny and unusable; the casings of the kernels are thick and chewy. This makes sense for a natural plant, which seeks to spread its seeds, not provide…

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Stu’s Bro has an Amazing Idea

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INT. STU’S HOME OFFICE – DAYSTU (30), an attractive man with short hair and a beard, sits at his computer, looking from monitor to monitor. He looks tired and drinks a diet Rockstar in between spurts of frantic typing. Empty cans litter the floor and free spaces on the desk. His phone rings. He smiles as he sees who it is.                     STU         Sup bro?! Haven’t heard from you in          forever!INT./SPLITSCREEN MESSY DISCGUSTING APARTMENT – DAY?STU’S BRO (27), a slightly overweight young man wearing a sports…

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More Words That Emanate From the Hindquarters of Male (Genetically Modified) Cattle

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1. GMO/Monsanto/etc.  Let’s be honest, most people who post on Facebook about Monsanto (you know who you are) have no flipping clue what they are talking about; they’ve never set foot on a farm and have no concept of how the food industry works. They have probably never seen a live domesticated chicken (hint: was it white?), or have no idea what the fertilization process of corn is. Unless you eat exclusively wild game, all the food you eat is genetically modified.  ALL OF IT.  Cows didn’t just evolve into oversized meat-bags producing an excess of milk.  Those phenotypes were carefully…

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Words or Phrases that Should Immediately Set Off Your B.S. Detector

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1. Equality-  There’s such thing as equal before the law (in concept, not in practice), but whenever somebody uses “equality” as a justification for something, you know the actions will involve theft, revocation of rights, or punishment for success and subsidy of failure. 2. Democracy- Even a casual student of the humanities knows how well democracy worked out for Socrates. Besides its serious shortcomings as a means of political organization, the idea of the majority rule is used as justification for a host of atrocities including foreign wars, theft through taxation, and as with Socrates, murder.  It, along with its…

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